Telltale Signs: THE CHI-NAY TIGER MOTHER

by Rodel Rodis The most hated author in America today is not Sarah Palin but Amy Chua, a Filipino-Chinese American whose controversial best-selling book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother has ignited a firestorm of controversy.

Amy Chua is a Wimp! declared New York Times columnist David Brooks in his January 17, 2011 column where he wrote that a large slice of educated America decided that Amy Chua is a menace to society (for writing) a bracing critique of what she considers the weak, cuddling American parenting style.

Brooks describes Chuas book as (delivering) a broadside against American parenting even as she mocks herself for her own extreme Chinese style. She says American parents lack authority and produce entitled children who arent forced to live up to their abilities.

The Chua brouhaha began on January 8, 2011 when the Wall Street Journal published Amy Chuas essay Why Chinese Mothers are Superior where she describes how she raised her two daughters, Sophia and Louisa, the Chinese way.

Chua wrote that she did not allow her children to attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama, not play any instrument other than piano and violin.

Chua describes the difference: Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, Youre lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you. By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persu! ade them selves that theyre not disappointed about how their kids turned out.

Chua observed three fundamental differences in the outlook of Chinese and Western parents. First, Western parents are extremely anxious about their childrens self-esteem concerned about their childrens psyches. Chinese parents arent. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everythingBy contrast, I dont think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents, describing her Jewish-American husbands view that kids dont owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids.

Third, Western parents try to respect their childrens individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what theyre capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

A week after Chuas Wall Street Journal article appeared, her Battle Hymn book was published and it immediately shot up in the best-seller list earning every cent of the high six-figure advance she received from Penguin Books. (I went to several Borders bookstores in San Francisco to purchase the book and they were all sold out.)

But the downside is that since her article appeared, Chua has received death threats and thousands of emails. The Wall Street Journal article alone generated more than 5,000 comments on the newspapers website with many calling her nuts and others praising her as a very savvy provocateur.

Chua is a Chi-Nay (Chinese Pinay) whose parents were born and raised in the Philippines prior to immigrating to the US the year before Amy was born 48 years ago. She graduated from Harvard University and Harvard Law School, wher! e she wa s an executive editor of the Law Review. After passing the bar, she worked as a corporate law associate, taught at Duke Law School, and currently is a distinguished professor of law at Yale Law School.

In his New York Times column, Brooks explains that his problem with Chua is that by demanding that her kids spend four hours practicing the piano or violin instead of going out on sleepovers, shes coddling her children. Shes protecting them from the most intellectually demanding activities because she doesnt understand whats cognitively difficult and what isnt.

Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale, Brooks asserts.

But Leon Breaux, an American teacher in Beijing who taught high school in three US states and in three Asian countries, disputes Brooks critique of Chua. Heres an intelligent, accomplished man comparing structured intellectual activity and training to socializing, and proclaiming socializing the winner. My question is this: If you dont know anything, what good is your socializing?

Knowing something takes learning. Learning is generally hard work. Children often dont want to do it. Trying to brush this away as something inconsequential and not as important as socialization or achievement of status is a great recipe for stagnation or worse, Breaux argues.

The debate continues.

(Please send your comments to Rodel50@aol.com or mail them to the Law Offices of Rodel Rodis at 2429 Ocean Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94127 or call 41.5.334.7800).